ŠŤASTNÉ BÝVANIE - EMPATIA

Pestovanie seba-súcitu.

V predchádzajúcom príspevku som sa zmienil, že nedostatok súcitu je spojený s nezdravým myslením okolo jedla. Súcit so sebou samým je nevyhnutný pre emočnú odolnosť a pohodu. Byť súcitný znamená prejaviť láskavosť, porozumenie a podporu niekomu, kto trpí. Pre mňa je súcit s ostatnými prirodzený, ale sám so sebou? Nie veľmi. Môžem sa obzrieť späť do čias, keď som bol bezpochyby mojím najhorším kritikom.
Nikdy by som nesníval, že sa budem rozprávať s dobrým priateľom tak, ako som si hovoril sám so sebou.

Keď som čelil svojim vlastným zlyhaniam, reagoval som tvrdým úsudkom. Keby kamarát urobil tú istú chybu, nepochybne by som im povedal, že je to v poriadku, si človek a rovnako ťa ľúbim.

Ak vám chýba súcit, čelíte náročným životným bojom alebo čelíte osobným chybám, neúspechom a nedostatkom, potom vašou vnútornou reakciou bude pravdepodobne samohnus, kritika a úsudok. Tu sú moje kroky, ako sa pokúsiť vypestovať si súcit:

  1. Staňte sa všímavým. Skúste si uvedomiť, keď trpíte, a všimnite si, keď ste príliš krutí. Ak si nie ste vedomí problému, nemôžete sa začať meniť. Prestaňte sa porovnávať s ostatnými, prestaňte si priať, aby ste boli niekým iným.
  2. Prijmite, kto ste, chyby a všetko. Viem, že je to klišé, ale nikto nie je lepší v tom, keď si ty, ako si ty, vlastníš to.
  3. Potvrdenia. Spočiatku sa môžu cítiť hlúpo alebo hlúpo, ale niečo opakujte dosť a začnete tomu veriť. Moje potvrdenia zahŕňajú: „Si silný.“, „Si láskavý.“, „Si dosť“ a „Máš všetko, čo potrebuješ, aby si bol šťastný.“. Pokojne si ich požičajte alebo ešte lepšie, vytvorte si vlastné.

    Pestovanie seba súcitu Paula Scott

  4. Povedz nie. Alebo nie, nie ďakujem, nemôžem to urobiť - vyberte si! Buďte sebeckí, áno, je to tak, dajte na prvé miesto. Myslím si, že ženy, najmä mamičky, to skutočne mali čas, ale je to tak dôležité. Nemôžete nalievať z prázdneho pohára a vždy musíte najskôr nasadiť svoju vlastnú kyslíkovú masku, až potom pomôžete iným. Povedať nie by mohlo znamenať povedať nie nadčasom v práci, keď sa cítite vyhorení, povedať nie niečomu, o čo nemáte záujem, alebo sa dištancovať od ľudí, ktorí vás zrazia.
  5. Uznávajte svoje úspechy. Ak váš dobrý priateľ trafí gól, zložíte im kompliment? Potom urobte to isté pre seba. Zamyslite sa nad sebou dňom, týždňom, mesiacom alebo rokom, zapíšte si svoje úspechy a úspechy, čo si myslíte, že ste urobili dobre. Máme predpojatosť voči negativite a je príliš ľahké sústrediť sa na naše nedostatky a zabudnúť na všetko, na čo sme naozaj kurva dobrí.
  6. Odpustite si. Urobil chybu? Ste človek, je to viac ako v poriadku, v skutočnosti je rozpoznávanie nedokonalosti súčasťou zdieľanej ľudskej skúsenosti.

Musím priznať, že ten štipľavý hlas v mojej hlave ma niekedy stále nakopáva, keď som na dne, ale vykonaním niektorých z vyššie uvedených krokov, aj v tých mojich najhorších dňoch, môžem úprimne povedať, že sa mám rád oveľa viac ako kedykoľvek predtým mať predtým.
Ak máte nejaké ďalšie tipy, zdieľajte ich a majte krásny týždeň!

Paula xo

Hosťujúci blogový príspevok Paula Scott

2 Comments

  • Hello Donna

    Amazing response to Paula’s blog post. I am really glad you enjoyed it and thanks for filling in some of the gaps you saw. I think you should be writing for us! Maleka x

    Maleka Dattu
  • I completely agree on the self-compassion front. I think far too many women are going through their lives feeling and expressing compassion for people, animals and the world around them yet never come close to the same towards themselves.
    In our society women are taught that it is “selfish” to do for themselves. They are expected to put forth all of their energies as wife/husband, mother/father, daughter/son, sister/brother, friend, lover, business owner, employee, yogi, artist, athlete, etc.. We are rarely taught the importance of self-care of the deepest kind. We hear of self-love and self-respect, yes, but this is something very different. Left underdeveloped a woman may find herself depleted in physical, emotional and spiritual ways as well as possibly living in ways or relationships that are not healthy or ideal for who she truly is meant to be living as. When we lack self-compassion we do not always have the ability to see or detect what is not healthy in our lives, including people. This one aspect can sabotage all other parts of our lives and our ability to find and be happy.
    Choices made will never be for our best version of self until we develop a deep sense of compassion for ourselves. Just as the above article stated, start looking at yourself through the same eyes you look at those you love. Take the judgement and critical eye and put them aside. You are worthy of kindness and encouragement rather than criticism and negativity. How would you speak to your closest friend? That is how you must start speaking to yourself. If not now, when?
    The moment I made the connection for myself was life-changing. I burst out laughing as it made so much sense and answered so many questions for me. The very next minute I began working on an action plan to change as I no longer wanted the life I had been living and knew I deserved better. I had been stopping myself from having better with self-limiting beliefs I was not even aware of. That is how powerful a lack of self-compassion can be. I was living with domestic violence in my marriage for many years yet I had not been able to identify it as such, again, because of my lack of self-compassion.
    As for tips, one of the things not mentioned above that I think is crucially important is to take stock of the people in your life. This goes hand-in-hand with learning to say “no”. Are there people in your life that are not healthy for you or do not fit with the person you are wanting to be or the life you are wanting to create? Has your lack of self-compassion allowed them to stay too long? Do an inventory of “friends”, as well as family, and make note of any inappropriate, unhealthy or toxic people who “make” you feel or around whom you feel less than your best. Perhaps they have done something to you in your past that caused the kind of hurt that you may have been able to move on from or forgive but you no longer want them in your life because of. It took me years to truly comprehend that a family member who hurt me needed to be removed from my life just as I would remove any other person who had done the same thing to me. “Family” by title does not give anyone a free pass to hurt you or remain in your life after doing so. While it is a personal decision of a very intimate nature, be sure to look very closely at these things as societal, religious and family values have great influence over decisions such as these, often to the detriment of our very peace, health and happiness.
    The people we surround ourselves with should be those who encourage, support and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves and love us just the way we are. I am not saying you must stop talking to your best friend because she disagrees with your choice of men. If you have people in your life who are holding you in your old patterns or habits, whether that be unhealthy eating, smoking, drinking, skipping your planned exercise, excessive shopping, too much Bookface, Instagram, Pinterest or any other “thing” that keeps you from living your best life as your best version of yourself, it is likely time to do a clearout of your “friends”. True friends will not want to hold you back. True friends will celebrate your changes and encourage you to continue on. It may be time to step back and really take inventory of who is in your life, what they do or don’t bring to your life and whether they still have a place in your life once you build your self-compassion. Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. Some come for a short while, touch our hearts, leave their gifts and move on. Others arrive like a tornado, leaving destruction in their path everywhere they go. Others arrive, settle in and stay. With self-compassion you will have no problem letting go of those who are not healthy for your best self and best life. With self-compassion you will be able to find healthy people to share your life. More importantly, you will enjoy time alone doing what you love as you will not be constantly tending to everyone else or be hypercritical and demeaning towards yourself in all you do.
    Than-q Maleka for sharing this very important article and topic. You are a woman who tackles issues important for women. This is a big one and perfect to bring up this time of year when many seem more open to new ideas and change. With peace, gratitude and grace! XO

    Donna

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