GLAD LIV - EMPATHY

Dyrker selvmedfølelse.

I et tidligere indlæg nævnte jeg, at mangel på selvmedfølelse er knyttet til usunde tankesæt omkring mad. At have selvmedfølelse er afgørende for følelsesmæssig modstandsdygtighed og velvære. At være medfølende er at vise venlighed, forståelse og støtte til nogen, der lider. For mig er det medfølende med andre naturligt, men for mig selv? Ikke så meget. Jeg kan se tilbage på tidspunkter, hvor jeg uden tvivl var min egen værste kritiker.
Jeg ville aldrig have drømt om at tale med en god ven, som jeg talte til mig selv.

Da jeg stod over for mine egne fiaskoer, reagerede jeg med hård dom. Hvis en ven havde lavet den samme fejltagelse, ville jeg uden tvivl have fortalt dem, at det er okay, du er menneske og jeg elsker dig alligevel.

Hvis du mangler selvmedfølelse, når du står over for vanskelige livskampe, eller når du konfronteres med personlige fejl, fiaskoer og mangler, vil din tarmreaktion sandsynligvis være en afsky, kritik og selvbedømmelse. Her er mine trin for at forsøge at dyrke selvmedfølelse:

  1. Bliv opmærksom. Prøv at erkende, når du lider, og læg mærke til, når du er for hård. Du kan ikke begynde at ændre, hvis du ikke er opmærksom på problemet. Stop med at sammenligne dig selv med andre, stop med at ønske du var en anden.
  2. Accepter hvem du er, mangler og alt. Jeg ved, det er kliché, men ingen er bedre til at være dig, så er du, ejer den.
  3. Bekræftelser. I starten kan de føle sig dumme eller fjollede, men gentag noget nok, så begynder du at tro på det. Mine bekræftelser inkluderer: 'Du er stærk.', 'Du er venlig.', 'Du er nok' og 'Du har alt hvad du behøver for at være lykkelig.'. Du er velkommen til at låne dem eller bedre endnu, udvikle din egen.

    Dyrker selvmedfølelse Paula Scott

  4. Sig nej. Eller nej, nej tak, ingen kan - vælg! Vær egoistisk, ja det er rigtigt, sæt dig selv først. Jeg tror, ​​kvinder, især mødre, har virkelig haft tid til at gøre dette, men det er så vigtigt. Du kan ikke hælde fra en tom kop, og du skal altid sætte din egen iltmaske på, før du hjælper andre. At sige nej kan betyde at sige nej til overarbejde på arbejde, når du føler dig udbrændt, siger nej til noget, du ikke har interesse for, eller distancere dig fra mennesker, der bringer dig ned.
  5. Genkend dine præstationer. Hvis din gode ven rammer et mål, komplimenterer du dem da? Så gør det samme for dig selv. Reflekter over dig dag, uge, måned eller år, skriv dine præstationer og succeser ned, hvad du føler, du klarede dig godt. Vi har en negativitetsforstyrrelse, og det er alt for let at fokusere på vores utilstrækkelighed og glemme alt om vores ting, vi virkelig er gode til.
  6. Tilgiv dig selv. Lavede en fejl? Du er menneske, det er mere end okay, faktisk anerkendelse af ufuldkommenhed er en del af den delte menneskelige oplevelse.

Jeg må indrømme, at den tæverige stemme i mit hoved nogle gange fortsætter med at sparke mig, når jeg er nede, men ved at gennemføre nogle af ovenstående trin, selv på mine værste dage, kan jeg ærligt sige, at jeg kan lide mig meget mere end jeg nogensinde har har før.
Hvis du har andre tip, bedes du dele og have en vidunderlig uge!

Paula xo

Gæsteblogindlæg af Paula Scott

2 Comments

  • Hello Donna

    Amazing response to Paula’s blog post. I am really glad you enjoyed it and thanks for filling in some of the gaps you saw. I think you should be writing for us! Maleka x

    Maleka Dattu
  • I completely agree on the self-compassion front. I think far too many women are going through their lives feeling and expressing compassion for people, animals and the world around them yet never come close to the same towards themselves.
    In our society women are taught that it is “selfish” to do for themselves. They are expected to put forth all of their energies as wife/husband, mother/father, daughter/son, sister/brother, friend, lover, business owner, employee, yogi, artist, athlete, etc.. We are rarely taught the importance of self-care of the deepest kind. We hear of self-love and self-respect, yes, but this is something very different. Left underdeveloped a woman may find herself depleted in physical, emotional and spiritual ways as well as possibly living in ways or relationships that are not healthy or ideal for who she truly is meant to be living as. When we lack self-compassion we do not always have the ability to see or detect what is not healthy in our lives, including people. This one aspect can sabotage all other parts of our lives and our ability to find and be happy.
    Choices made will never be for our best version of self until we develop a deep sense of compassion for ourselves. Just as the above article stated, start looking at yourself through the same eyes you look at those you love. Take the judgement and critical eye and put them aside. You are worthy of kindness and encouragement rather than criticism and negativity. How would you speak to your closest friend? That is how you must start speaking to yourself. If not now, when?
    The moment I made the connection for myself was life-changing. I burst out laughing as it made so much sense and answered so many questions for me. The very next minute I began working on an action plan to change as I no longer wanted the life I had been living and knew I deserved better. I had been stopping myself from having better with self-limiting beliefs I was not even aware of. That is how powerful a lack of self-compassion can be. I was living with domestic violence in my marriage for many years yet I had not been able to identify it as such, again, because of my lack of self-compassion.
    As for tips, one of the things not mentioned above that I think is crucially important is to take stock of the people in your life. This goes hand-in-hand with learning to say “no”. Are there people in your life that are not healthy for you or do not fit with the person you are wanting to be or the life you are wanting to create? Has your lack of self-compassion allowed them to stay too long? Do an inventory of “friends”, as well as family, and make note of any inappropriate, unhealthy or toxic people who “make” you feel or around whom you feel less than your best. Perhaps they have done something to you in your past that caused the kind of hurt that you may have been able to move on from or forgive but you no longer want them in your life because of. It took me years to truly comprehend that a family member who hurt me needed to be removed from my life just as I would remove any other person who had done the same thing to me. “Family” by title does not give anyone a free pass to hurt you or remain in your life after doing so. While it is a personal decision of a very intimate nature, be sure to look very closely at these things as societal, religious and family values have great influence over decisions such as these, often to the detriment of our very peace, health and happiness.
    The people we surround ourselves with should be those who encourage, support and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves and love us just the way we are. I am not saying you must stop talking to your best friend because she disagrees with your choice of men. If you have people in your life who are holding you in your old patterns or habits, whether that be unhealthy eating, smoking, drinking, skipping your planned exercise, excessive shopping, too much Bookface, Instagram, Pinterest or any other “thing” that keeps you from living your best life as your best version of yourself, it is likely time to do a clearout of your “friends”. True friends will not want to hold you back. True friends will celebrate your changes and encourage you to continue on. It may be time to step back and really take inventory of who is in your life, what they do or don’t bring to your life and whether they still have a place in your life once you build your self-compassion. Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. Some come for a short while, touch our hearts, leave their gifts and move on. Others arrive like a tornado, leaving destruction in their path everywhere they go. Others arrive, settle in and stay. With self-compassion you will have no problem letting go of those who are not healthy for your best self and best life. With self-compassion you will be able to find healthy people to share your life. More importantly, you will enjoy time alone doing what you love as you will not be constantly tending to everyone else or be hypercritical and demeaning towards yourself in all you do.
    Than-q Maleka for sharing this very important article and topic. You are a woman who tackles issues important for women. This is a big one and perfect to bring up this time of year when many seem more open to new ideas and change. With peace, gratitude and grace! XO

    Donna

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